Good Bye

I bring sad news tonight, and I write this with tears in my eyes. Goldie died yesterday. We knew it was coming, but in the end, it was all so, so fast.

Our good friends Kristy and Bobby were caring for Goldie while we went to Las Vegas with Terry. They said she was normal on Friday, and Friday night, eating, going for a walk, following her and their dogs around the house. Then when they woke up Saturday morning, she had walked out of their bedroom at some point during the night and laid down on a bed in the living room. With a few exceptions, she pretty much stayed there.

Kristy called and said the best way to describe it was "lethargic." She wasn't crying, she wasn't whining, she wasn't breathing hard. But she also wasn't eating, wouldn't take treats, and stayed laying in the living room, no matter where Kristy or the other dogs were.

Mike and I were scheduled to fly home on an evening flight on Sunday, getting in at 1 a.m. Monday morning. I changed my flight to a red eye on Saturday (my flight was on reward points, so it was an even exchange to get an earlier flight; it wouldn't have been to change Mike's flight). Because of the connection, I left at 12:30 a.m. on Sunday morning from Las Vegas, and arrived at DCA at 11:30 a.m. Bobby and Kristy picked me up, with Goldie.

She was, shocking. She could barely move. The tumor was huge, and heavy. She wasn't wagging her tail.

I contemplated driving straight to the vet, to euthanize her, but ultimately decided to take her home, and see how she was in an hour or two. See if she could last until Mike got home.

After only two hours, it was clear she was moving over the edge. The tumor was continuing to grow -- or it could have just been fluid, or blood building up. Her breathing was becoming difficult. I told her it was time, that I was going to call David to help me take her to the vet. I told her goodbye.

You all know me. You know I don't typically speak in spiritual terms. But this -- death -- I have so many beliefs that I need to hold dear in order to get me through. And one of them is that when someone is dying from sickness, you need to let them go. They want to hold on, they want to know you are taken care of. They want to know you are okay.

And, yes, she's a dog. But I believe she needed permission to go. I told her it was time, that she didn't need to fight anymore. A few minutes later, she took her last breath.

It was short, and quiet. She had a few spasms as the breath let out, but I don't think she was in pain. I think she was scared and confused, but I know she felt love. From Kristy, Bobby and their pups, to being home with me.

I'm grateful to the two of them, and to David and Lauren, who came over immediately after she died and helped me get her to the vet.

We're incredibly sad, and heartbroken. She was a good pup, and she gave us her all. We're missing her terribly.