I'm a bad thief

I would be a very, very bad identity thief. Because evidently, I can't even hack into my own credit card account.

It started last night when I received an updated expiration date joint American Express credit card. I activated it, and destroyed the old card.

Only I didn't destroy the old card. I destroyed my personal American Express card. You know, the one in perfect working order, without an expired date drawing near? Yah, that one.

No big deal, I'll just call and get a new one. So that's what I did tonight. I pulled out an old statement so I'd have the account number and I called AmEx.

And I proceeded to fail about 6 security questions ... about myself.

I didn't know my PIN. (Although I want to dispute that. I think I had it right and she typed it in wrong.)

She asked for a previous address ZIP code and I gave her Sunset Drive, my last address at college, and my two most recent work ZIP codes, and she said, "no go."

Then she wanted to know how long I'd owned my home for. Easy!

But she said I was wrong.

At this point I enlisted Mike's help, but evidently he doesn't know me any better.

So she gave me another number to call, which I did, entered some numbers on the phone (SEE, I TOLD YOU I knew my PIN!!), and got connected to another person to order a replacement card.

This guy was much more willing to help. Evidently I aced his questions. He also asked me a very important one, in my book, which was, "Was your card lost, stolen, or damaged?"

"Damaged!" I didn't know that was an option with the first lady.

"Water damage, is the magnetic strip scratched, what's the problem with it?"

"Um, well, I sort of cut it up."

"Cut it up?"

Then I told him what happened, and he laughed and said, "Miss (ok, ok, he said "ma'am" but I'd rather not tell you that), that happens waaaay more than you'd think."

So now a new card is on it's way.

Can you spot me in the meantime?