She didn't even buy me dinner first

I am one of the thousands felt up by the TSA in the past week.

It was on the way out to Vegas, on Tuesday, the day after the stink really started when the guy left his cell phone camera running during the screening and then wasn't able to board because he told the agent that he was going to have them arrested if they "touched my junk."

Admittedly, I was going through security numb. Goldie had had two bouts of diarrhea during the morning walk, and I was just feeling miserable. I won't testify under oath that this is the exact order of things happening, because the morning is a fog.

I was a random pull, I think. I don't remember going through the medal detector, but did go through the x-ray one. Stood with my arms up, and I did wonder what the images looked like, what you could tell about my body (if you don't know, I'm kinda hot*). Then I also got the pat down. It could seriously be as simple as that the TSA was still training on the new rules -- I think they went into effect on Sunday or Monday of last week. I do remember that there was instruction from one agent to the one that did the pat down on, "Now make sure you have all her bags; now tell her what you're going to do; now tell her we can go to a private screening area..."

It just... wasn't a big deal. It was definitely touching. Twice. (They go over every part two times.) But it's so analytical. It's done by same gender. I don't think the TSA agent was enjoying it all the much, either.

It doesn't seem like that much to give up, for safer skies.

But it also doesn't seem like that hard to bypass. It doesn't seem like it does much of anything. It's kind of like drinking a Diet Coke while eating a Big Mac and fries. You can say you did something... but you're still gonna get fat.

I certainly don't understand the huge outcry. I would bet that those doing the out-crying haven't been on a plane in years. They are probably showing up with full tubes of toothpaste and bottles of shampoo, and still think the airlines serve meals in coach. They have on sweats to be "comfortable" during their 2.5 hour flight, sneakers that need to be unlaced, and left coins in their pockets. Most likely they've booked the flight months in advance, and are at the airport with three hours to spare so they can afford to spend one hour of it waiting in security lines held up by others with similar unfounded indignation.

They most certainly don't follow George Clooney's advice in Up in the Air.**

*I'm kidding, people

** Bonus points for the first person to put his advice in the comments.